he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize