put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize