running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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