So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
