its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
