When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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