I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
