porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize