mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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