kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
