I'm gonna have a badass scar
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I need to sanitize my soul.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
