i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
