I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i wish my penis had a tongue
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
