There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
