using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
