Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
