He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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