My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
