ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
