I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
