he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize