I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
