i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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