dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
It's Friday. Sex?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
