i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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