no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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