you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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