On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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