Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
