It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
send nudes
from the living room?
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