Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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