so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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