people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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