Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
