It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
