Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
