she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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