Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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