I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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