none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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