i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
