Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
