I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
