in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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