She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
i now understand why vodka
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
