You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
