Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
