you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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