its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
