I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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