i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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