just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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