She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
