I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
How naked do you want me to be?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
