God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize