shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
