if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
