Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Sorry my hands just texted you
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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