if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
