Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
