Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
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