the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
