This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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