My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
