It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
