also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
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