Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize