I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
