Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
They have beer where we have blood.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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