My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
