put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
