Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
