My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
