You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
