those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize