so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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