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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption

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• (916): View more from California

  So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.

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• (424): View more from California

  I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  Fuck off. Since when do you love him??

  (212): View more from New York

  Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Can't even lie. Mad respect

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!

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