Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
