I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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