i always forget guys have bellybuttons
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
