Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
last night I used snow as a chaser
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
