I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
