I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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