I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize