I am in a vortex of obligation.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
