He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
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