3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
