Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize