do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
