I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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