We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize