i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
