Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
so let's talk penis.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize