i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
sex in a hospital.. check
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
