You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
