yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
