Already got asked if we're dating
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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