meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
