i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
