walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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