you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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