woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
