I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I am available for nakedness
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
