wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize