there were more penises there than on chat roulette
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
