If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize