Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
