You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
