I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
