Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
