Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Banned from zoo.
Again?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
